Earlier this week, Shonda posted a comment:

I am so grateful for WISN On Assignment: Is Milwaukee At The Tipping Point. There were several important issues mentioned in this news program that influenced my decision to provide some solutions on reducing crime, poverty, single parent households, infant mortality, HIV/AIDS awareness & prevention, and truancy issues. The article, “What a Difference Dad Makes” reported that 70% of household in certain zip codes in the inner city of Milwaukee has an absence of fathers. The article went on to say that father absence is correlated to a host of health and social detriment for children. In the Wisconsin Prison Systems, Men of Color, represent an astonishing percentage of the population. As a way to get the message out to these men about the importance of family values, and two parent households, I would like to suggest that the Criminal Justice System implement internal programs which require mandatory participation in educational courses. I believe that the Criminal Justice System is a great place to start when addressing the issues mentioned in “Milwaukee At The Tipping Point” since a huge majority of the targeted group is represented in Wisconsin’s prisons and jails. Education is the key. Once these men are provided with pertinent information pertaining to the importance of quality of life issues, we will see an increase in the number of father’s playing an active role in the lives of their children.

The Parenting Network agrees with Shonda’s assertion that reaching out to incarcerated fathers is a way of increasing father involvement in Milwaukee.  The Parenting Network facilitates several sections of InsideOut Dad, a twelve-week curriculum for incarcerated dads, at the Milwaukee Secure Detention Facility and the Franklin House of Corrections. 

Tom Weber, Program Director and Parent Educator at The Parenting Network, responds to Shonda’s comments:

Certainly in the discussion of absentee fathers there needs to be the promotion of education for dads who are incarcerated.  By the sheer fact of their incarceration, assumptions are made that they do not, or choose not, to take their fathering responsibilities seriously.  This is frequently not the case at all. Through a program that The Parenting Network is providing at several jail/prison facilities entitled InsideOut Dad, men are being asked to examine what it means to be a man and what it means to be a “Dad.”  Through this program, and others like it, men are able to consider the impact they and their behaviors have on their children.  The experience of those who facilitate these groups indicates that the majority of the men have either had no positive male role model or often no male role model from which to learn how to be a positive parent.  For many, the concept of being a “Dad” has no meaning, for they have never had a pattern to follow.  Many of these men relate the loss they feel in not having closeness to their fathers. Often this loss, whether recognized or not, leads these men into negative activities, as they attempt to find acceptance and belonging.  When men are brought face- to-face with these facts, most are saddened and some react in anger; anger towards those who were supposed to have loved them and shirked that responsibility.  Once this step is taken, these men are open to finding ways to avoid repeating this with their children.  Education within the criminal justice system as The Parenting Network is doing leads men to look to the future for themselves and their children.

In June, the National Fatherhood Initiative published its research quantifying the amount of federal dollars that are provided to father absent homes through anti-poverty programs.  This first of its kind report, entitled “The One Hundred Billion Dollar Man,” estimates that in 2006, taxpayers spent $99.8 billion.  That’s nearly $100 billion – $100,000,000,000 – spent on assistance to single-mother households in a single year.

The research, conducted by Steven Nook and Chris Einolf, examined total expenditures for fatherless households for the following programs:  Earned Income Tax Credit, Temporary Assistance to Needy Families (TANF), child support enforcement, SSI payments, food stamps, school lunch, Women, Infants, and Children (WIC), Medicaid, SCHIP, Head Start, childcare, energy assistance, public housing, and section 8 rental subsidies.  Child support enforcement, TANF, and childcare subsidies had the highest amounts of single-mother participation, between 87 and 90 percent for each program.

“The One Hundred Billion Dollar Man” also validates The Parenting Network’s previous blog entry about the social costs of father absence.  Nook and Einolf contend that:

Children of single mothers pay their own costs for the absence of a father, as well.  Such children do less well in school than children of two-parent families, have more emotional and behavioral problems, have worse physical health, are more likely to use drugs, tobacco, and alcohol, and are more likely to become delinquent; teenage girls in single-mother households are more likely to become pregnant, and teenage boys in single-mother households are more likely to become teen fathers. 

And these harmful affects of father absence do not stop once the child reaches the age of majority:

In the long run, adults who grew up in single-mother households attain lower levels of education, earn less, and are more likely to be incarcerated, are more likely to have out-of-wedlock births, and are more likely to be divorced.

To recap, 23.3% of children in America live with their mothers only.  In Milwaukee, nearly 40% of all households are headed by single-mothers with that number rising to near 70% in certain zip codes.  How much is this costing us – not just in taxpayer dollars but also in terms of the health, safety, and well being of the children our community?  What does this mean to Milwaukee’s future?

The Parenting Network is interested in reading comments from the community on how to combat the father-absence crisis in Milwaukee.  What are your thoughts?

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, over 40% of households in Milwaukee are headed by single parents.  In certain zip codes within the city, there is a 70% father-absence rate.  When fathers are truly “absent” in the lives of their children, there are harmful consequences to families and to the entire community. 

Milwaukee has the fourth highest rate of children under the age of 18 living in poverty and the sixth highest teen birthrate among the 50 largest US cities.  With father absence the norm in many Milwaukee families, the financial and emotional costs to the community are staggering and affect, either directly or indirectly, each one of us.  It is The Parenting Network’s firm belief that fathers have a unique and irreplaceable role in the lives of their children if they are involved, responsible, and committed.

Father involvement produces positive results even before the child is born. Newborns with involved fathers are likely to have higher infant mortality rates, improved weight gain in pre-term babies, increased rates of breastfeeding, higher receptive language skills, and higher academic achievement.  If fathers are absent in their children’s lives, their very absence may contribute to a sense of loss and abandonment that permeates the lives of their sons and daughters well into adulthood. 

Father absence is correlated to a host of health and social detriments for children:

• Children without involved fathers are more likely to participate in antisocial behavior such as fighting, lying, cheating, and criminal activity.
• These children also face increased risks of depression and suicide.
• Girls growing up without a father are at a higher risk for early sexual activity and teen pregnancy. 
• Children in father absent homes are more likely to abuse tobacco, alcohol, and other drugs.
• These children are also five times more likely to live in poverty than children in two parent homes. 
• Father absence is one of the most common predictors of child abuse and neglect. 

The Parenting Network’s VIP (Very Important Parent) Dads program provides parenting education and support specifically targeting dads.  Dad Matters is an ongoing group that meets weekly at The Parenting Network.  InsideOut Dad is facilitated at both the Milwaukee Secure Detention Facility and the Franklin House of Corrections.  For more information about these programs, please call the Parent Helpline at 414/671-0566.

The Parenting Network is looking for VOLUNTEER facilitators to assist with VIP Dads and other programs. Training begins September 29!  Call Ruth Miller at 414/671-5575 for more information.

In response to Kevin’s comment to last night’s program:

I watched your’s show on tv tonite and I feel maybe if parents were allowed to disapline there kids to a certain extant that it should help with street viclance trouble plus if all are block watch captian’s has a direct line to a direct radio cotact to a police car.

Parents are allowed to discipline their children.  Discipline means “to teach.”  What parents are not allowed to do is to abuse their children — to punish leaving bruises and marks.  Staff of The Parenting Network encourage parents to discipline — and also help them understand to discipline in ways that respect both the parent and the child and to teach them to make better decisions not because they will be punished but because they understand how their actions affect others. We as parents are role modeling desired behavior in all of our interactions with our children.  When children are hit for misbehaving, they are learning to hit when they don’t like the actions of others.  Parents are often modeling the exact behavior they do not want.  When children go to school, they act out this aggressive behavior because no one taught them otherwise.

Discipline means different things to different people.  According to Prevent Child Abuse America, “Society expects parents to automatically know how to raise their children.  But many parents don’t know the difference between discipline, punishment, and abuse — between ‘getting off their child’s back’ and neglecting, between caring and nagging.”

Each child is unique and is constantly learning and growing.  What works for one child may not work for her sibling.  Likewise, what worked for one child at age 2 might not work at age 5.

It is important to remember that effective discipline techniques can be learned.  The Parenting Network offers many parent education and support programs through Milwaukee County where parents can learn new techniques, gain insight from other parents, and offer suggestions of what has worked in their families.  Additionally, the Parent Helpline is available 24 hours a day.  For more information about parenting classes and groups or to talk to a helpline counselor, please call us at 414/671-0566.

In response to Kevin’s comment about neighborhood block watch, he should bring that suggestion to his block captain.

To leave a comment on this blog, or to pose a question for our bloggers from The Parenting Network, click on “Responses” above.

Stress develops when the demands of life and parenting seem overwhelming.  The Parenting Network recommends the following basic techniques to decrease stresses of parenting:

Establish routines — When children know what comes next, they are more cooperative.

Set limits — Set limits that are fair and clear so that children know what is expected.

Be consistent — Children need to know that you mean what you say.  Say only what you are willing to enforce.

Give choices — Allow children to feel in control of their lives by letting them make choices within the boundaries that you set.

Develop simple family rules — Children as young as two years old can help to clear the table.

Take time to learn how your children develop — The more you learn about what to expect from your children at difference ages and stages, the better prepared you will be.

Know your children’s friends and their parents — Get to know your child’s friends.  Invite the parents to your home or spend a few minutes on the phone with them.

The Parenting Network has served the Milwaukee metropolitan area for more than 30 years with the mission to strengthen parenting and to prevent child abuse. 

They are a resource for families because parenting is the most challenging and important responsibility many of us will undertake in our lifetime. 

Services include the 24-hour Parent Helpline, parenting education and support programs for a wide variety of parent populations, case management and home visiting services through Family Links, and youth education programming covering sexual assault and teen pregnancy prevention. 

To learn more about The Parenting Network, visit www.theparentingnetwork.org or call the Parent Helpline at  414 671-0566 .

WISN, as part of our coverage, are continuing an effort looking at violence in Milwaukee.

WISN 12 News asked if the city is near the Tipping Point in this long-term enterprise about violence in Milwaukee.

We asked The Parenting Network to assist us with this blog. Leave your questions and concerns and The Parenting Network will respond.

Here are our bloggers:

Jan Buchler has been Executive Director of The Parenting Network since 1999.  Jan has a Master of Science in Education and more than 30 years experience working with children and families.  She has two grown daughters and a toddler grandson. 

Jenny von Helms, Director of Resource Development at The Parenting Network, has a Master of Education degree and 14 years experience in higher education and nonprofit administration.  Jenny and her husband have two children, a son in second grade and a daughter in preschool. 

Kathie Karkheck, Parent Helpline Manager, is an experienced support group facilitator with over 25 years of working with families.  Kathie is a Certified Social Worker, mother to 1 son and 2 daughters, and grandmother to 2 grandchildren.

Tom Weber is a Program Director and Parent Educator at The Parenting Network.  Tom has a Master of Science in Education and over 30 years teaching experience.  Tom has 2 adult daughters and 2 granddaughters.

Ruth Miller is a currently a Program Director at The Parenting Network.  She has Masters in Community Counseling and has spent her adult years serving families through volunteer and nonprofit work in various capacities.  Ruth has a grown daughter who recently moved back home.

Steve Kabelowsky is the Digital Executive Producer at WISN. Steve is here for technical help and support.